colornbian:

How do you become someone who puts stickers on fruit because I think I could do that

Anonymous asked: "dirty confession: i'm a teacher and my ex had a teacher fantasy so i'd talk math formulas before we did the do and after a while I was curious so i said the quadratic formula in public and he automatically got a boner and we broke up because i thought it was really funny and wouldn't stop doing it"

necromorph-slayinglovemachine:

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

kawaiigod:

if i get rich my mom gettin paid first thing

sharpslut:

FEELING LIKE YOU ANNOY THE ONLY PERSON YOU WANT TO TALK TO SUCKS

me as a parent

boytoynamedtroy:

my kid: whats for dinner

me: THIS FAT ASSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: *does split on the kitchen table*

unmatespritship:

going to underline something in pen and accidentally crossing it out

image

ooh-bite-me:

when your mom walks up behind you while you’re blogging

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garfeildlogan:

this thing w ferguson is making me wonder how many of the historical riots that happened in the 20th century they teach you about in school were actually ‘riots’ ??

thewicked-eternity